Happiness Is A Choice: 10 Ways to Stay Positive Everyday

Between the ages of 25 and 45, life pretty much sucks. There's work, kids, bills, extra-curriculars, bedtime routines, work, bills, bills, work, bills, kids....the list goes on. It doesn't matter whether or not you love your job, have unlimited support at home, or your kids are complete angels, life is just plain hard. Let's face it: Adulting sucks. It can be really easy to fall into the perpetual cycle of resentment, bitterness, and negativity. But what kind of life is that?

Admittedly, on any given day, each one of us can probably count more things we hate doing on our fingers, than things we love. That's just what life is like right now, but if you allow yourself to focus on the bad, you will never give yourself the opportunity to recognize the good. And eventually, you'll get into a place where, even when something good does happen, you'll only be able to see the bad parts of the good.

Being happy isn't about having all the things, it's not about having perfect children, a perfect marriage, a huge house...it's about making a conscious decision to be happy. Why do you think that guy down the road who has two Audis, a 3500 sq ft home, and goes on 4 trips per year is miserable? Because he chooses to be.

So, the question now is, when things are hard and all you can focus on is the bad, how do you wake up every morning positive and happy, and stay that way for the whole day, every day? These 10 tips below will help you. Use these 10 things every. single. day and I guarantee you, you will live a happier, more fulfilling life - without changing anything!

How To Live A Happier, More Positive Life

1. Everything can be fixed

"Things that are done, it is needless to speak about...things that are past, it is needless to blame." - Confucius

There are very few things in life that are permanent. If you really think about it, whether it's big or small, almost anything can be fixed. These "fixes" aren't always easy, they could cost money, cost pride, or take time, but most everything can be fixed.

Let's say you were rushing out of the house one morning and you didn't close the dog crate securely enough and your dog got out, shredding the arm rest of your brand new couch. Yes, admittedly, as soon as you see it, you'll want to throw your dog outside and never let him or her back in. But once you've calmed down and thought about it a little bit you'll realize it was only the arm rest and, if you pay a little bit of money, you can have it replaced. Yes, it's an inconvenience, yes, it sucks you'll have to doll out extra cash on your brand new couch, but who's fault is it the cage wasn't properly secured? And, really, in a year from now, how will that $100 you spent to repair the couch effect your life? It won't - I can pretty much guarantee it. Whether it's accidentally scratching someone's car in the parking lot, getting a sock lodged up the vacuum hose, or dripping gravy on your brand new silk shirt, it can all be fixed. Yes, it may cause some inconvenience, yes, it may cost a little bit of money, but it can be fixed.

Sometimes, though, there will be times where whatever it was isn't fixable - use these moments as lessons. You can't take back the past, but you can make steps to correct the future. And, really, whether it's fixable or not - these are learning experiences.

The bottom line is - it's happened. There is nothing you can do to change what has happened so move onward and upward. Do what you need to do to correct the mistake, learn from it, and move on. There is just no sense in dwelling over things that can be fixed, you have enough on your plate.

2. It's Just Water

"Your life is what your thoughts makes it." - Confucius

Here are three enormous cliches that fit perfectly in this category: "Don't sweat the small stuff", "Don't cry over spilled milk", "And choose your battles." Really, these three sayings may be exactly the same, and you may have heard them so many times that they no longer hold any power, but they are nonetheless very true. Let me give you two scenerios where these cliches come into play:

Scenerio #1:

You've been dragging your feet all day, you're pretty sure you're coming down with a nasty cold, and your husband is gone on a business trip for the third time in 3 months. All you want to do is curl up in your bed with a cup of tea, watch The Bachelorette, and fall into snooze-ville. You're finally kissing the last of the three goodnight, and as you step out into the hall, you knock the potted plant over, soil spilling everywhere. Your kids, having heard the commotion come running out of their rooms wondering what happened. Suddenly, all the lights are on, everyone is talking all at once, and you realize not only are you going to have to clean up the mess, but now you're going to have to put your kids back to bed - again - you're going to have to trudge down to the basement, drag the bag of soil out from behind the furnace, bring it up, re-fill the pot, water the plant...you get dizzy just thinking about it - you can't believe you were so close to home-free, but now you have at least another 45 minutes to an hour before you can go to bed.

Or do you? Ask yourself these questions? What will happen if you just leave it there? Will the soil stain the carpet? Will the plant die between now and tomorrow morning? Do you really have to go through all the tucking-in-motions again in order to get your kids to bed?

The answer to all of these is NO. Instead of cursing and swearing at the plant, yelling at your kids, or slamming doors, just forget about it. Get your kids to calm down and be quiet. Tell them you will take care of the plant in the morning and that they all need to get back in their rooms, turn off the lights, and go to bed. You don't need to clean it up immediately and you don't need to the whole bedtime routine all over again. If they're over the age of 3, they can put themselves back in their beds and turn off their own lights. Yell goodnight from your room, shut the door, and take a bath. You deserve it.

Scenerio #2:

You're exhausted: You were stuck in traffic after work for over an hour. You have finally just finished supper and cleaning up the kitchen while simultaneously helping your kids with homework, and preparing them for their next school day. You're finally just about to sit down for 10 minutes before you have to start bedtime routine, but as you walk into the living room, your two youngest are play fighting. Suddenly, the two of them collide into the coffee table and one of their cups of water spills on the brand new couch. Your immediate reaction is to freak the hell out. They should have been more careful! They shouldn't have been fooling around! They should have been paying attention to what they were doing! Can't you have anything nice? Why does everything you buy get ruined within the first week of having it?

STOP. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. Ask yourself these questions: Is this reversible? Will the couch be ruined? Is this couch worth your children's shame and guilt? And then remind yourself of this one thing: They're just kids.

Yes, they should have been more careful. Maybe next time, it'll be fruit punch instead of water. But this time, it's just water. When they look up at you with horrified faces, fully expecting a tongue lashing, just smile and say, "It's OK! It's just water. But please be more careful next time." And then ask them both to get a towel or paper towel and soak up the mess.

3. Don't Make Life Harder Than It Has To Be

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." - Confucius

Like I said, life is hard so why do we need to make it harder than it already is? If you really think of it, there are only a handful of things that one needs in order to survive: rent/mortgage, bills, healthy and clothed children, food, and car payments. I say this loosely like these things are easy to do, but they're not. Ensuring all your bills and groceries are done means going to a 9-5 every day, stressing over budgeting, making sure things are paid when they should, and all the other everyday stresses... then there's the kids - their activities, their mood swings, making sure they're fed and dressed appropriately, homework...activities...feeding...feeding...more feeding...you get the idea.

So with all those daily responsibilities, why would you make things more difficult than they need to be? Let the little things go - yeah, you got a $60 parking ticket, it sucks, but what can you do? Pay it and move on with your life. Yeah, your dog got mud on the carpet when she came in, it sucks, yes, but get one of your kids to clean it up, or take the 2 minutes to clean it up and move on. "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" as they say - it's just not worth it.

4. Be Open-Minded

"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change." - Confucius

This is probably one of the hardest ones for us moms because being open-minded means giving up some of our control. It's very easy to get worked up when plans don't go the way they're supposed to, and if you're a planner like me, it can cause some severe anxiety. There was one time when I took my niece out to go swimming with my son. Since she was 8, I thought her and my son could go swimming and I could sit on the sidelines and watch. But it wasn't allowed unless she did a swimming test; problem was, I hadn't brought my bathing suit. As I stood in the hot lobby trying to figure out what to do with 2 extremely disappointed kids on my hands, I started to sweat and get extremely frustrated. I didn't have a ton of money, which was why I had wanted to go swimming, but in the end (and after some research on my phone) we ended up at Kids Kingdom. However, I hadn't prepared for the extra expenses and ended up having to fight with my bank to transfer money. Long story short, by the time the kids were in and playing, I was basically drenched in sweat and grumpy. But then, I sat down, had a coffee and read while the kids played and they ended up having a ton of fun and at the end of the day, that had been my goal. Had I just calmed down, dealt with the issues as they came, and moved on, I wouldn't have had to become so anxious.

Being open-minded also means letting people help. I know, I know - when your mother in law does your dishes, she doesn't always put them back where they're supposed to be. When your husband does a load of laundry, he always puts too much soap. When your 7-year-old takes out the garbage, she doesn't put it in a neat pile at the end of the driveway, but you know what - who cares?! The point is - someone was willing to help you! Accept the help and move on. And sometimes it's hard to accept help just for the simple fact that they're offering - you don't want to put them out or you don't want to admit you can't handle it all on your own - but again - who cares?! Get over it! Swallow your pride and let your mother in law help you do the dishes - here's another cliche for ya - "many hands make light work." Would you rather have that extra 10 minutes to sit and calmly read a story to your child that night rather than have to rush through it?

So many women spend their days whining and complaining that they have no time for themselves but then when someone offers to help, they're unwilling to take it because that means letting go of some of the control (I mean, it's garbage, does it really matter if all the garbage bags are on one side and all the recycling is on the other side?). You know what that makes you? A martyr. I have a saying in my house - if you're not willing to do anything about it, you're not allowed to complain.

Don't be a Mavis Martyr - let someone else do it for once!

5. CHOOSE To Believe That Everything Happens For A Reason

"They must often change who would be in constant happiness and wisdom." - Confucius

I know that this one if hard for a lot of people, especially those who have been through a lot of trauma. Believing that everything happens for a reason often conjures up ideas about God and religion, but it doesn't have to. Whether or not you believe in God, it's still possible for one to believe that there is a higher power - whether it's the universe, mother nature...whatever, it's possible to live your life imagining that there is something bigger than you that controls some of what happens. Although I believe in God in some contexts, I choose to revolve my life around Karma. I don't know who Karma is or why, but honestly, I don't care. I just choose to live my life this way, and I have, on some circumstances seen "proof" of it. Whether or not it's real, I CHOOSE to make the connection because it helps me give up some control.

I heard a saying one time when someone I knew was struggling: "Let Go and Let God." Here, you could replace "God" with Karma, The Universe - whatever. The basic meaning of this, though, is when there is something happening that you really care about but you have absolutely no control over it, just let it go and let whatever higher power you believe in take the reigns. Whatever is meant to happen will happen, and you can't do anything about it.

I use this a lot when I'm waiting to hear whether or not I got a job I interviewed for. Yes, I want the job, yes I need something to feed my family, but there is nothing I can do about helping the company make their decision so I just have to let go and wait. And if I don't get it, then it wasn't the job for me. In situations like this, it's really easy to get stressed out - especially if you're the main breadwinner and your entire family is relying on you to be fed and housed, but again, there isn't much you can do about it except put the work in (apply for as many jobs as you can) and give up control.

I wrote an article recently about Jiu Jitsu and one of the sayings they use on a daily basis is "There is no such as losing - there is winning and there is learning." So when something goes wrong in my life - like I unexpectedly get laid off of my job, I do a little bit of self reflection and wonder what (insert your higher power belief here) is trying to teach me. For example: I'm a writer (obvi) and I was working at a hospital doing complex data entry for a bladder and kidney cancer database. I got laid off after 3 months because they lost funding. Yes, at first I was pissed. It was my first job in over 4 years outside of the house and I loved it. But after the first day or two of grieving, I realized that although that job did have potential for growth, potential to become a career, it was literally nowhere close to the field I should be working in. Life sometimes takes over and I have always said I never want to wake up one morning at 50 years old and realize I am nowhere near where I had wanted to be. I start a new job Monday (after being off work for a month and having to stress a little bit over groceries and car payments), but I'll be working as a Court Transcriptionist - I will be writing, working in law, learning, and researching. So it all worked out.

6. Kill Negative Nancy

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it." - Confucius

I have a few giant pet-peeves in my life - people who chew with their mouth open, people who are inconsiderate in a grocery store, people who can't properly use a round-about, and people who are consistently, for no reason at all, negative about everything.

There are two types of negative people: 1. Those who seek attention 2. Those who judge (more on this one later). Neither of these are productive.

In my past life, I was a pretty negative person. Although I have been pretty optimistic and positive about certain things my whole life, I did go through a point in my life where I couldn't see the good in anything - only the bad. But then I realized - what kind of life am I living? Yes, there is a lot of bad in the world - Trump is ruining everything, there are more than enough wars going on in the middle east, natural disasters, winter...the list goes on. But there is also so much good! And maybe, on your worst day, the good things are rather small, but they're there.

Cliche alert: Ignorance Is Bliss. Don't get me wrong, I don't live with my head in the sand - I know what's going on in the world, I know that Trudeau is his wife's puppet, I know about our national debt - blah, blah, blah - but what can I do about any of those things? Absolutely nothing! So why should I dwell on them? Why should I spend my days concentrating on how badly things are going, when I have a beautiful child, a warm house, food in my cupboards, and so on. If your basic necessities are covered, you have way more than a lot of people out there. So, on your worst day, when you've been fired from your job you've been at for 10 years and come home to a water bill of over $200, and your 16-year-old has been suspended from school - it's easy to let that take over your life. So on those days, you go back to basics. I woke up this morning, I had enough food in the house to feed myself and my children, my kids had untattered clean clothes to put on before school this morning, my car is still under warranty, my water/heat/electricity is still working and so forth. And when everything seems to just be falling apart - the sun is still shining, you woke up that morning, and life goes on.

Cliche #2: Negativity Breeds Negativity. I have worked in jobs that I have loved - until I hook up with a new co-worker who has worked there longer than I have and has some sort of bone to pick with management. Now, as we sit together at lunch, I get all the inside scoop on how management hurt this person, how they don't do this when they should be doing it, how they reacted to this situation....and all of a sudden, you're finding yourself resentful against management and beginning to dislike your job....but management never did anything to you personally. I know it's hard to avoid these people, especially if you make a connection with them, so you can either do one of two things: Always keep an arm's length between you two and continuously remind yourself that that is her/his experience, and not yours. Or simply tell them: "I understand you've had some issues with management, but I like my job and I have a difficult time continuing to like my job when you're so negative. It would be really great if we could sit together at lunch and not talk about work." Then move on.

7. Live Life With Integrity - Fill Your Karma Bank

"To see what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice." - Confucius

It took me a long time to understand the concept of integrity. The dictionary definition is this: "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness." Which makes sense, but it's not very specific. The way I understand it is how you behave when no one is around. If you see a wallet on the ground as you're walking down the street and there is no one around to see you pick it up - what do you do? Do you open it up, pocket the cash and throw the wallet back on the ground? Do you open it up, pocket the cash, and then look for an ID to mail it back? Or do you open it up, look for the ID, and bring it to the person, leaving everything else in tact?

To me, integrity is "money" for your proverbial Karma Bank. Any time you're in a situation where you could get away with doing something you know is wrong, but that could benefit you or keep you out of trouble and you choose to run, it is taking away from your Karma Bank. Anytime you act honestly when no one is around, regardless of whether it will get you into trouble, this adds to your Karma Bank.

Your Karma is what protects you, in my opinion. When I see people who always seem to be having bad luck, I always consider (while trying not to judge) that these people must live without integrity - ie: Have bad Karma.

Cliche Alert: Good things happen to those who do good things. Simple, right? If you feel like you're always getting the shitty end of the stick, maybe you need to do more good in your life. Also, doing good things, especially those that don't affect your personally (like buying someone's coffee in the Tim Horton's Drive-Thru) will make you feel good, and this will add positivity to your day.

8. Don't Judge Others - You Don't Know Their Lives

"Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think." - Confucius

I had a baby-sitter who used to like to use the saying, "Mind Your Own." I never fully understood it until I became an adult. I have always understood mind your own business, but "mind your own" doesn't necessarily mean to keep your nose out of other people's business, it means to stop worrying about what other people are doing and worry about yourself.

There will be times in life when you find yourself judging others based on your initial impression of them and I cannot tell you how damaging this can be on your positivity. Yes, people will make decisions you would never make yourself, yes some people live a life you could never imagine yourself living, yes people will treat their children differently than you feel children should be treated, but what they do has no bearing on your life, so stay out of it. I'm not saying I haven't done this - as a mother, I think I am pre-disposed to being judgmental and opinionated, but I was taught a lesson a little while back (I wrote about it in my article Stop Worrying About What Other People Are Doing) and I have continued to use this experience when I find myself judging other people.

If you see someone doing something you really feel is wrong, like a child may get injured if the behaviour is not corrected, then by all means, mention it to them politely. But remember, this can have negative consequences (the parent you speak to could become confrontational and you could find yourself embroiled in an argument, or if you happen to notice a parent being physical with their child and you say something, the aggression could get worse when they return home. I always try to think: If this is how they behave in public, I can only imagine how they are when they're at home, and I would be forever regretful if I had any part in making that any worse).

But besides witnessing a situation where a child or adult is in physical danger, it's always best to just stay out of it. If you see a woman walking down the street with her kid in a stroller in -25 degree weather and the child doesn't have a hat on, yes, you'll probably judge and assume that child is being neglected, but just keep walking. Maybe they've been in the mall for 2 hours and the child was hot, so Mom thought she would cool the child off by taking its hat off for a little bit, rather than completely undressing him. Not all people use sound logic and/or common sense, but it's really none of our business. If you feel yourself judging someone by the way they dress their child before going outside, next time you send your kids out, make sure they're dressed properly. There is just no sense in getting yourself worked up over something that has no bearing on your life.

Mind your own - would you want someone judging you when you send your kid out with sneakers because you forgot to turn your dryer on before you went to bed the night before and spent the whole morning blow drying your kid's team uniforms for school and didn't have time to check the weather, let alone have coffee, and it rained all afternoon, now would you?

9. Always Find Something To Look Forward To

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Confucius

I have always done this and there have been times where I have felt it to be a little bit of a curse because I am constantly looking forward to the future, but then I realized it really does help me keep me going. Like I've said so many times in this article, life can be very difficult. But if you can find something, no matter how minute, every day, to look forward to, life won't seem so bad. You won't be stuck in your perpetual daily routine because you'll know that in 3 weeks, you have your daughter's birthday party for which you will be able to start shopping soon, and that will break up some of the monotony. Or maybe it's something small like, in 2 weeks, there's a statutory holiday and you can take some time for yourself.

Whatever it is, having something to look forward to that isn't part of your normal, every day life can keep your gears turning when you start getting bored.

10. Never Stop Learning

"When I walk along with two others, from at least one I will be able to learn." - Confucius

No matter how old you get, you will never know everything. There will always be something new to learn. Whether you're 60 years old and your son-in-law treats your daughter differently than you were treated by your husband, perhaps there is a reason - learn about it. Keep an open-mind, stay humble, and remind yourself...wait for it....To Each Their Own. Don't become a crusty person who thinks the way you do things is the only way. There are hundreds of ways to do hundreds of things, and perhaps someone can do something more efficiently than you can, but if you keep your mind closed, you will never have the chance to learn a new way.

Also, learning new things (academically, in the world, in society...) will give you a sense of growth, a sense of evolving, and this will make you feel better as a person. If you're a stay at home mom who feels like that's all she is - a mom - learn something new. Read a book about climate change, read a book about history, learn to knit...something.

Stop allowing yourself to be miserable. Stop making excuses as to why you can't be happy. JUST STOP. Wake up, say something nice to yourself about your life and get on with it, don't sit in it.

Learn, Think, Evolve.

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NOTE: Confucius was a philosopher, professor, and politician around 551 BCE and was credited in developing Confucianism, a life philosophy derived from The Hundred Schools Of Thought.

Without even realizing it, I have been living my life very closely to his ideologies, so his theories and principals resonate with me.