My family, although still young, is quickly becoming a Jiu Jitsu family. My husband has been doing it for almost a decade now and our son, who is now 6, has been doing it on and off for almost 2 years. There are many reasons why I love that my son, who is still so young, has been introduced to this sport. We initially started him out because Daddy was doing it and what little boy doesn't want to be just like Daddy? But now that he's been doing it for a year straight, I realize just how valuable it really is. But before I tell you why I think this is the best thing you can do for your child, I will start first by telling you why I didn't want him to do it.
Initially, I will be totally honest, I didn't love the idea of my son learning how to, essentially, critically wound someone. A lot of people automatically assume that boy are pre-disposed to being aggressive, and so we should concentrate on avoiding this behaviour, rather than adding to it. And I'm not an exception. And since my son was so young when he started, he hadn't yet shown this alleged pre-disposition.
Additionally, I had some issues with the way the kids were "being treated" - the instructors are tough, no-nonsense, and I have heard quite a few mothers who have expressed the same sentiment - that they feel the instructors are too hard on the kids and they're afraid they may actually damage their child's self-esteem than increase it. They get nervous when the child is being "forced" to do a certain move over and over and over again. They get anxious when they see that their child is being "forced" to stay in the class (even when they have attempted to leave, and may actually have some tears in their eyes). Moms get a little uneasy when they watch the instructors "force" obedience by making the kids stand in line, without fidgeting and whispering, and "force" them to listen and show respect for their instructors.
But here's the thing - moms (and some dads) are the only ones feeling this way. Because the kids don't feel like they're being forced and although, yes, sometimes they may want to leave class with tears in their eyes, giving into that is the worst thing we could do for our children. Additionally, classes like these generally have room for the parents to sit and watch which makes it easier for kids to want to leave when the teaching gets "tough", but I am telling you now - there is nothing wrong with any of what I mentioned above; in fact, what the instructors "force" the kids to do is actually teaching them more than we even realize.
The Truth
Although we have been taught to believe this, the truth is that boys are not predisposed to being aggressive. Biologically, boys can be a little busier than girls, they are more physically active, and yes, do like to play more physically than girls do (generally). Wrestling is a big part of boys' play, but wrestling/play fighting is not aggression. Aggression is when children are being physical with anger.
As kids grow, they are filled with a rush of emotions they still are not equipped to manage (hell, a lot of parents still have emotions they feel they aren't equipped to manage). This is why children (not just boys) have temper tantrums, this is why they hit, this is why they scream and throw things. Anger is a very powerful emotion. There are all kinds of reasons a child can become angry, some minute and some pretty large. If not properly dealt with, anger can become extremely damaging as a child grows. Not learning to properly deal with anger issues can eventually lead to bad behaviour including fighting, rebelling, defying, binge drinking, avoidance, and drug use. This, however, is not just for boys, this can happen with girls as well, it just seems that, statistically, it's boys who suffer the most in regards to pent up anger because many boys are taught that anger is a "bad" emotion and are taught to stuff it away.
I know what you're saying - "My son/daughter is only 6! Surely, I don't have to worry about him/her going out and getting hammered on a Friday night." Well, no - not yet. But being a kid is hard, there are so many unknowns and so much they still don't understand about the world and if they aren't able to properly communicate their fears with the people closest to them (for whatever reason), their confusion and uncertainty comes out in anger and aggression, and if these feelings are not properly dealt with, they can then lead to extreme aggression, symptoms of ADHD, and so much more.
How Jiu Jitsu Can Help
Every child needs Jiu Jitsu (or another form of martial arts - I am choosing to talk about Jiu Jitsu because it's what I know) just as much as the other, but I find that the child who is already showing characteristics of over-aggressiveness, defiance, difficulty listening, and even struggling in school needs Jiu Jitsu even more. Why? Because Jiu Jitsu will give them the tools to channel their energy; it will teach them how to listen, how to focus, and how to show respect to, not only those around him, but himself, as well. It teaches kids to respect authority, and above all, it teaches them how to have self-respect and confidence in themselves, and that is something that will help them more than anything else as they develop. Self-respect and self-confidence are the two greatest gifts any parent can give their child.
Let me get a little more in depth here.
Jiu Jitsu is a martial art - a combat sport that teaches self-defense. It's not about learning how to knock someone out in a UFC ring, it's about learning the appropriate maneuvers to be able to defend one-self in a moment of crisis. The principal is basically to learn skills and techniques using power (not muscle) to turn the opponent's energy back onto them. The techniques are developed to control a dangerous position (submitting the attacker) without actually hurting them, or getting hurt. So, yes, there is a little bit of physicality that goes into the proper training of this sport. Whether you're a 10-year-old kid getting bullied on the school ground or a 15-year-old girl walking home alone, these skills can keep a child safe. Bullying is a major issue these days with the media and parent groups bringing awareness to this issue. But just like bullying, Jii Jitsu is more than just physical.
Jiu Jitsu has a very large psychological benefit which, at the young age of 6, is the biggest reason why I love this. Yes, I will appreciate him being able to take people head on in the event that he ever has to in the distant future, but for the time being, this sport is teaching him things that, as a parent, I simply do not have the skills to teach him.
Here are the main 5 reasons I love the psychological impact that Jiu Jitsu has on my child: Focus, Determination, Respect, Self-Confidence, and Team Building.
FOCUS:
Although everything is taught in a supportive, fun environment, there is also no fooling around. The instructors get away with this because they're respected and the kids look up to them, so when they're told it's time to be serious, they get it. The instructors are generally very strict with this - you either do as you're supposed to or you leave. And after having my son in hockey for the past 3 years and getting frustrated over those kids who ruin it for those who actually want to learn by not listening, I understand why the instructors do it. A child need to have a certain amount of self-discipline and focus to be able to go these classes - after all, they're eventually going to teach these kids things that could potentially hurt someone if not done right. So, if you're not willing to take it seriously and do as you're supposed to, perhaps you should come back when you're ready.
Opponents sharing a laugh after a fight.
Photo Credit: Elizabeth Anderson
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Honestly, I noticed a huge difference in my son since practically day one. My son plays all kinds of sports - soccer, hockey, swimming and so on. Last year, he couldn't really manage soccer. He was more interested in playing with the ball, talking to his friends, pulling out the grass, making castles with the grass and so on. This year, on just the first day, he stood in line with his friends (who, I may add, were fooling around most of the time) with his foot on the ball, his hands on his hips, listening intently. A lot of people might say that that is just the difference a year makes but this was a complete 180 turn around. He's still only 4, after all, and even with the temptation of all the other kids, even one of his friends who was crying, he stood there with complete focus. Imagine if he were applying that focus in school, as well?
One of the most determined BJJ fighters I have ever met. When the going gets tough, she gets tougher. Photo Credit: Elizabeth Anderson.
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DETERMINATION:
One of the major issues I have as an adult, and have struggled with my whole life, is determination. I, as well as a lot of other people my age, struggle a lot with giving up when things get tough. It's easy just to throw your arms up in the air, say you can't do it, and move on. However, I have seen, first hand, how detrimental that can be as you get older - studying, holding down a job, and so on. My son will never have this quality, I have promised myself that. My son will know to persevere when things get hard because he will understand how amazing it feels when you finally succeed in doing what you thought was once too difficult. I was telling my husband, just the other day, that it bothers me that the kids are expected to do the same move over and over and over and that it is simply a recipe for boredom (my son tends to get bored fast and when he gets bored, he tells me he has to pee). So, the other day, I went to a class. There were at least 8 kids in each line waiting to do a move that took roughly 15 seconds. So, they were expected to wait in line for about 2 - 3 minutes to practice a move that takes only 15 seconds. But as I sat there, I suddenly realized, he hasn't told me he has to pee. And the reason for that is simple. He's not bored. Although he knows he's going to have to wait a little bit of time before he can do his move again, when it is his turn, it's his time to perfect what he's been trying to do. The more he does it, the better he gets at doing it. On top of that, he has the opportunity to watch all the other kids go, and watch what the instructor does to correct positioning or certain movements (as long as he's staying focused). And, somehow, he understands that he may not get it right away, but that he has the support and encouragement from his instructors who will work with him until he's got it 100%.
Photo Credit: Therien Jiu Jitsu and Kickboxing Orleans
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RESPECT:
Sensei is the most important person in the classroom. Children are expected to bow to their Sensei, to bow as they enter, and to always use respectful, productive language when speaking with their Sensei. You must ask before you leave the gym, you only get water when Sensei tells you to. What Sensei says, goes. This teaches the children to respect authority. Although, as I mentioned before, it is a fun environment to be in, it is also taught that you must always respect the authority in the room. This teaches that authority does not have to be feared as class is always fun, but that you must always do what is expected of you. If you me, you know I am not a fan of the saying "respect your elders." I think it's old fashioned and is only setting kids up for being put in uncomfortable and, sometimes, damaging positions (if you want me to explain, please comment below). But I do, 100% believe that children should be taught that it's important to respect those in an authoritative position. This doesn't mean that children shouldn't use their judgement when it comes to all adults, but when it comes to those who are responsible for leading you, you must always conduct yourself with respect and honour.
But the thing is - it takes respect to give respect, right? As a human being, I don't expect my son to give respect to someone (regardless of age) if he's not being respected in return, and that's the thing with these instructors. They understand these kids' boundaries, they understand that there is a certain level of respect they also have to give these children if they are going to be respected back. Do as I say and not as I do does not apply here, and with good reason.
SELF-CONFIDENCE:
This may sound hokey, but I am a firm believer that when you feel like you're good at one thing, that you've mastered something difficult - no matter what it is - you feel better as a person. Also, the small idea that, put in a difficult situation (physically), these kids can defend themselves, helps their psyche. No, knowing how to do an arm-bar will not help them get an A in science, no knowing how to do a triangle choke will not help them succeed in building relationships - but I think knowing that they're capable of doing something many others are not capable of doing increases their feelings of confidence and self-trust. If you trust that you're able to meet any difficulty head on, then what is there to be afraid of in life?
A student giving another student a pep-talk after a tough loss. Photo Credit: Elizabeth Anderson.
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TEAM BUILDING:
I mentioned before the whole thing about drinking and rebelling, and if you've never been a drinker or a "rebeller", you probably scoffed at that comment. But here's the thing - it is a proven fact that if kids grow up in an unhealthy environment, or they have feelings or isolation, misunderstanding, distrust, and low-self-worth as a pre-pubescent teenager, the chances of him or her veering off track is huge. In a society where the divorce rate is 48%, where more kids than ever are looking for a sense of stability in their lives, where bullying has become a more acknowledged but nevertheless prominent, it is surprising to me how mis-understood the development of a teenager is. Teenagers (especially those between the ages of 14 and 17) require a stable home life, somewhere to go that makes them feel comfortable and whole, a place where they feel valued and respected, and if they're not getting that at home, then they will seek other places to fulfill those needs. And those who can't find it anywhere, are those who end up finding it in a dark ally with all the other kids who feel the same way.
But when you have a tight-knit community like a martial arts school to go to when you're feeling like you're out in the cold, that is absolutely IRREPLACEABLE. And no, I will not say that all martial arts schools are the same - the bigger the are, the less they tend to care. But the school my son and my husband goes to is one of those warm, safe places a child could find themselves in the middle of the night, having the doors unlocked for him for somewhere to crash. And honestly, the owner of the gym would probably stay there with him until the sun rose.
Having a tight-knit community that is based on mutal respect, hard work, and dedication isn't something that is easily come by these days, and so it is completely irreplaceable. These kids, the ones I've been watching almost weekly for the last 3 years have become mature, kind, compassionate young adults, and when the going gets tough for one of them, there is always another one of them who is there to try to make things better.
That's what you get with a martial arts school like Therien Kickboxing and Jiu Jitsu - a home away from home where you can feel comfortable, valued, respected, and most of all - safe.
Therien Kickboxing and Jiu Jitsu Orleans has been our saving grace. Although we hadn't gotten to a point where we needed something to help our child cope with anger, or aggression, or a lack of self-confidence, we now know we probably never will, as long as he has this family. Because that's essentially what happens when you have somewhere like this to go to - the people you train with eventually become like family and having such a large family can make life just that much easier. So I urge you, if you've never thought about it before, if you're looking for something to help your child, or looking to teach your child important fundamentals for a fulfilling life, look into martial arts. It's irreplaceable.
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